hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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