My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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