I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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