Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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