great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
