I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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