by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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