The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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