Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
