GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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