She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
