My sheets look like a crime scene.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
