Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
