Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
