people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you would pick up someone in the library
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
