Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
