Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
