I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize