I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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