420 ftw
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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