Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
