Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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