I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have fence marks all over my body
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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