The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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