I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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