You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
