I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
