Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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