dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
