Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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