Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
