Can i not drive my cunt home
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
