theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
