Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
