It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
