Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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