At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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