so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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