time to smoke my breakfast
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
