You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
