Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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