Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
