It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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