I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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