You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
