i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
