you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
