well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
