She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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