So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
