hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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