you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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