Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
