you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
