It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
