I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
