the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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