You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
