her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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