i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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