So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
