Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
