Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
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fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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